Is it just me or is this one of the longest Januaries on record?

Feels like a month of never-ending Mondays.

An eternal dark day with no end in sight.

I don’t usually wish my life away, but thoughts of spring are very enticing.

I know it only matters when I dwell on it but I struggle to avert my focus nonetheless.

Time is moving so slowly.

Yet the year is flying.

Nearly a month in already, with nothing of note to show for it.

Everything's wet, cold, and heavier than it usually is.

A proper test of resilience for a man.

I took the other half to see The House Maid at the weekend.

If your missus has been asking you to go and you're not too keen, let me assure you that there's a particular scene with a cracking pair of reasons to watch it.

And if that doesn't float your boat, the main actor looks like two gay scientists designed him in a lab.

Jokes aside, it got me thinking about the things going off behind closed doors.

The stuff we know nothing about.

Affairs, secrets. Lies.

It's none of our business, until it is.

You walk in on something you wish you hadn't seen.

Get involved in a conversation, and hear something you'd rather not know.

All of a sudden, you're shrouded in uncertainty.

Burdened with a moral dilemma.

You're in a position where no matter what you do, you betray somebody you care about.

If you talk, the whole thing blows up - with your hand on the detonator.

If you ignore it, then you become part of the lie.

And when it comes out, so does your name.

It's burdened knowledge.

Knowing without consent.

You recognise your own mistake in an instant but there's no going back.

You're now part of the situation.

Inherited guilt, confusion and torn priorities.

Someone you once trusted now shackles you to dishonesty.

Do you tell, do you keep the secret?

What happens when it all comes out and you knew all along?

It's a lose-lose situation.

People will get hurt one way or another, sooner or later.

"How did I get into this?"

"I'll learn for next time."

But curiosity always gets the better of us.

I had to let two people go from work this week.

Both grown men in their 40's, just like me.

Struggling to turn up for work.

Knocking two days after a probation extension due to bad attendance, which was the final straw.

I'm not condemning these guys.

In the past, I'd often be the person having the 5th "one for the road" way too late on a Sunday evening.

Maybe work just wasn't their priority right now?

But personally I have to turn up everyday to set the right example.

I have to "adult" at work.

Which does suck sometimes.

Makes me think about how we're all really kids at heart.

Some more than others, all in different ways.

"It's like the mind stays young but the body keeps getting older."

This really struck a chord when I heard it.

Made me laugh at myself twisting my ankle playing footy with the kids.

Absolutely buzzing about getting away on a lads only holiday.

I can't see a day when I won't be young at heart.

And that feels awesome.

Although not without reminders that…

Your care-free side and responsibility can collide. 

Not sure what I think about Gary Stevenson any more.

At first I was like, this guy is a breath of fresh air.

He's saying it how it is.

But then I started noticing negative comments.

"You can never make it unless your parents have wealth"

"I'm an anomaly no one else can go from rags to riches"

I paraphrase but you get the jist.

The thing with this, even if it was 100% true.

Which it feels like it can't be because there have been people who have made it big from nothing…

It can't be a good thing to feed my brain.

Choosing to be told, I can't make it.

It feels like a free pass to give up on myself.

So now I swerve his stuff.

Because even if I can't get the money and freedom I dream about - it doesn't mean that if I try my best I can't get the best available to me.

Does it?

Remember back in issue 1, when I spoke about my bloods and the bad kidneys.

Well the plan worked and my kidney function improved enough not to be an issue.

Bad news was the gout I mentioned in issue 2.

Turns out having two gout flares in quick succession along with a high Uric Acid count means I have to be on tablets for the rest of my life - or allow my joints to get fucked.

Anyway, I bought myself one of those little man bags so I can carry my pharma.

Bargain as well.

So that's me for this week.

Still grinding it out.

Still questioning my purpose.

Still no closer to the answers.

Life feels crazy yet mundane in equal measures.

Whether or not I ever figure this shit out remains to be seen.

I just know I'm grateful to be here.

As always Gentlemen…

Life Matters.

Lewis

Right That's it.

PS. This publication is made possible using High Level

Back Issues

Disclosure: Some links in this email may be affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. These links help keep Right That’s It free to read and support the time that goes into writing it.