Hello, Gentlemen,

And a very happy new year.

Personally, I've been wondering what my focus will be.

This publication is one of them. I also have a book which I have been writing on and off for the last 5 years or so.

I've talked myself out of finishing it so many times. But it's still 'There', unfinished. Taunting me.

Right now, I am in the season of being serious about writing, and have been since the beginning of December.

Lately I've reflected on the opportunities I've talked myself out of over the years.

The things I've never got around to starting, finishing or learning.

Thoughts of growth killed by a predictable list of excuses.

Time wasted. Gone forever.

I sat beside her. Every breath seemed as if it could be her last. Every so often she'd stop breathing. Then start again.

Part of me wanted her to die whilst I was there. We were so close.

I didn't want to leave but knew the time was coming where I'd need to get back to the kids.

My Nan had been the most beautiful woman. Outside and in. Ninety years old and never seen with a single grey hair.

But at that moment, she looked so helpless.

It's times like these, you put things into perspective.

I realised, none of it really matters. But in a good way.

I don't need to worry about what people think.

Like the Editors said, "You came on your own and that's how you'll leave."

I thought about my own life. My death. Regrets and mistakes. All the things I could do better.

Would I go back and start again if I could?

It's the kind of hypothetical question that gets thrown around often. A nice thought that's never going to happen.

But let's look at it literally.

Say you're 35 to 50 now.

That means you've had 17 to 32 years of your adult life.

Let's say the average UK male lives to 82.

75 to err on the side of caution.

That leaves another 25 to 40 years, all being well.

So even at 40. I can adopt new skills. Learn from my mistakes. Make massive changes and build for the future.

I could literally start again if I wanted.

In theory.

In reality there are restraints. Bills, mortgages, debts. Responsibilities.

But that doesn't mean I can't start small, quietly, consistently.

So, whether it's our health, our wealth, or whatever else.

There's time.

When I'm not writing, I manage a fairly decent sized company.

The other day I got a high rate message from an employee.

"What the hell is this? My pay is terrible. Merry F**king Christmas!"

If you've read any past issues, hopefully by now you're getting to know I'm not a wanker.

So the first thing I did was pull up the roster.

Half day, absent, absent, half day, sub.

To be fair, they did end up with a genuine illness toward the end of the month. And those earlier days could have been the start of it.

Even so, I couldn't help but feel I was getting the brunt of something that wasn't my doing.

But all I could do was look at the facts.

Yes they'd had quite a bit of absence which grew into a few weeks off.

And yes, payroll had done everything right. There was nothing untoward here.

But it was Christmas.

I had a look and managed to get them squared up for their remaining annual leave.

Putting a decent chunk in their bank to cover the rent.

No, I couldn't give them a miracle payment to bail them out.

That's business.

But I did get them that bit of security during a shit time.

I did my best.

Luke Littler's taken quite a bit of stick this week.

He was in a match where the crowd kept booing him, although he was winning.

After the match, he addressed spectators by saying, “You guys pay for tickets and you pay for my prize money, so thank you for my money, thank you for booing me.”

Is this a load of pissed up blokes picking on an 18 year old lad? The same people who built him up to being the darting pride of Britain the two years previous.

Or were they simply supporting Rob Cross, who was the local lad, by willing Littler's misfortunes?

Is it the tall poppy syndrome? The lad's grown so successful that he now needs cutting down to size.

Darts aside, how comfortable are we with the success of others?

When I think about changes that have lasted, it's the boring stuff that sticks.

Prepping lunch whilst cooking dinner the night before. Hitting the gym on the way to work so it's done for the day. Not going home then having to talk myself back out.

I first learned about habit stacking while reading Atomic Habits. There's  one or two golden nuggets in there and looking back, was definitely worth the read.

This year as a whole was a big one for me.

A wake up call about the importance of looking after myself.

Coming to terms with mortality.

Being mad at myself for the time I've wasted.

Most of all, I've found a new sense of appreciation.

That's it until next week.

But as always Gentlemen…

Life Matters.

Lewis

Right That's it.

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